Cancer.

I didn't really say it before, but there I go now.  My mom has cancer, again.  Lung.  A few years ago, she had breast cancer, and it broke my heart and scared me to death.  Now, I don't know what to think or feel.  We are waiting to know exactly what type of cancer has moved into her lungs, so I guess my response will have to have wait, too.  Sure, I've been upset- primarily because I have no idea what's going on, have no control over the situation, and I can't stand the idea of my mom being in pain.  Of course, that other really scary thought has surfaced, the one I won't name here, so let's just move on...

Cancer.  Shit.

The Beginning

Over lunch this afternoon, she tells me, "It's quality not quantity."   Logically, this statement scared the shit out of me, but emotionally I agree.

Mom, I promise to make our time count, to make memories out of mere moments.  I love you.  I will be the Louise to your Thelma, if that is what you want.  We can steal a convertible, race out west, and never look back.  Rob convenience stores, evade cops, drive over cliffs, sneak across boarders, star in never-made sequels...  I am game for anything, as long as we can do it together.  Mother and daughter.  Let me be your alibi on this adventure.  With both huge battles ahead.  My enemy will be the fear, the fear of the unknown, the fear that comes from being a bystander, the fear of being helpless in helping you, but I am already trying to fight it.  The number of smiles we shared today outweighs the number of times I've cried since leaving you- a step in the right direction.